mitchum man and supermarket etiquette
as you may have noticed, there is this lame new ad campaign for mitchum on the subways that has these inane alpha-male-esque slogans like, 'if you've ever given your seat up for a woman, you're a mitchum man.' and, 'if you've ever been confident you can punch out the emergency window if there were an emergency, you're a mitchum man.' they just piss me off. i gladly give my seat up for ANYONE who looks like they need it more than i. (and frankly, sitting all day long, i think that means just about everyone.) it doesn't make me a 'mitchum man.' rather, it reinforces that this ad campaign was done in LA or chicago: most every new yorker i know will do just that without so much as an after thought that would, oh, spark a bullshit ad campaign. as for the punch out a window comment, well, i'm happy giving that job to someone who is more adept at displaying such strength on demand. that person, however, may not necessarily be a 'mitchum man:' it may even be a 'mitchum woman.' i bet they never thought of that in the boardroom.
i love to piss people off in the supermarket; it's fun: there is nowhere else in the world where people are SO set in their ways and purchase habits. 'i must wrap each piece of meat in a plastic produce bag. i must smell each. and. every. tomato before i choose the one lucky one.' but my favorite is the check out line. without a doubt, the man ahead of you will have his one item on the conveyor belt and throw you a dagger as you put things behind it. he'll go scrambling for the divider, and move his items up manually if he feels the need to, and may even say something like, 'this is only mine' to the cashier if there isn't a divider. the woman behind you will usually be happy with carrying her arm-cart weighing 50 pounds of goods rather than take advantage of the cavernous space behind my spaghetti-os and frozen vegetables. especially if there is only one divider being used by the ocd guy in front of you. i mean, come on.
just as robert frost said in 'mending wall:'
he is all pine and i am apple orchard.
my apple trees will never get across
and eat the cones under his pines...
i say:
you are all cat food and i am peanut butter and jelly
my rancho fiesta blend will never get across
and melt on your witch hazel and circus peanuts...
i love to piss people off in the supermarket; it's fun: there is nowhere else in the world where people are SO set in their ways and purchase habits. 'i must wrap each piece of meat in a plastic produce bag. i must smell each. and. every. tomato before i choose the one lucky one.' but my favorite is the check out line. without a doubt, the man ahead of you will have his one item on the conveyor belt and throw you a dagger as you put things behind it. he'll go scrambling for the divider, and move his items up manually if he feels the need to, and may even say something like, 'this is only mine' to the cashier if there isn't a divider. the woman behind you will usually be happy with carrying her arm-cart weighing 50 pounds of goods rather than take advantage of the cavernous space behind my spaghetti-os and frozen vegetables. especially if there is only one divider being used by the ocd guy in front of you. i mean, come on.
just as robert frost said in 'mending wall:'
he is all pine and i am apple orchard.
my apple trees will never get across
and eat the cones under his pines...
i say:
you are all cat food and i am peanut butter and jelly
my rancho fiesta blend will never get across
and melt on your witch hazel and circus peanuts...
posted by tom at 10:30 PM
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