people / things that pissed me off today
1. work load. no no, i'm not a rocket scientist, and i probably won't get a funky 'shit, what a career choice!'-induced disease from the beige cubefarm, but do i need SIX new fucking projects tomorrow? and the fucking coordinator who assigns the projects love love love lovity loves von lovesalot to give them to me. 'oh mr. t. you're gonna get slammed! no lunches for you! oh man. wow.' fuck you. fuck you, twice. the only thing to fear is fear itself, thank you teddy r. (was that teddy r.?) , but do i NEED THAT? no. i could do my job stoned. i could take a leave of absence and nothing would go to pot. (why, don't mind if i do.) nothing ever terribly difficult or blows up if i'm not around, but stop the 'you're going to hate your job more than you already do' talk, won't you, sweets?
the good news: the beige half-cubes will soon be beige full-cubes. thank fucking god. even more beige. bring it on. OH AND WHAT THE FUCK about the sanctimonious twat who got a new office and proceeded TO PUT UP VENETIAN BLINDS IN THE WINDOW? nobody ELSE has blinds, you twatburger, SO WHY YOU? and since you clearly bought them yourself, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU BUY BEIGE FOR? is his life so dull, empty, and boring that he thinks in beige at home, too? come now! a striking royal blue, or if he wanted to mix shit up, even a deep green, but BEIGE? i want to laugh and give him the finger every time i pass there. of course, as he's got no personality, the slots are parallel to the floor, defeating entirely the point OF the blinds, so he'd see me. i still don't know i won't.
2. t-fucking-mobile. recall i spent a week in europe. a week i didn't use my phone. therefore, my billing cycle is based on three weeks, not four. so tell me, ye olde wise t-fucking-mobile rep, HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I WENT OVER MY MINUTES ENOUGH TO BRING MY BILL TO $150? oh, that's right, smartness, IT'S NOT. i've never come even half-way to the 650 anyfuckingtime minutes, ever, once in the four years i've been with these fucknuts, four-week cycle or not. but in three weeks, i do myself in. 'well, you should go over each line in the statement to make sure that the call you made is yours. and may i take this time to remind you that certain life events can cause a sudden increase in usage: getting out of a relationship, or in a relationship, death of a loved one, new job, demotion, or promotion...' ''stop. no. what? are you kidding me? do i need to give you a co-pay when you're done?...' 'i just want to make sure you understand that list, while i believe you when you say you do, so i'll start again. certain life events...' mother fucker. yes, i understand you can read from a script in YOUR beige cube, but maybe, since you agreed this is out of character for my billing history, you can have someone THERE in BILLING look my bill the fuck over? hmm? hmm?!?!
3. old navy socks. oh my, this nearly did me in. got to central park on my lunch hour, running, running, loving life, loving life, (what's that chafing...) running, madonna, running, amber, running, the weather girls, (ouch.) (eh?) (that's annoying.) (geez, it's not getting better.) (blister? now?) (but i've worn these socks 1000000000 times.) (maybe it's because i've worn these socks 1000000000 times.) get to end of run, lovely seven miles, back in gym, stretching with the southern belle in design who calls me sweetness, 'haaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy swweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenesssssss!!!!!!!!!!!' who i ran into in the park. 'haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllllll!' we banter, we stretch, i'm BLEEDING through my sneaker. this isn't good. take sneaker off in locker room, make sure no one is around to witness the biohazard, yeah, it's not pretty. take 1000000000 sock off, need a fucking transfusion. limp on one foot to the showers, OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH water on newly exposed blisters is not a day in the magic kingdom. but here is what does me in: the WEIRDO janitor felt the need to take THAT MOMENT i was in the shower to take his bleach / detergent mix and sterilize the floor of the shower room. now, hobble as i may, i STILL managed to step in his frothy concoction and man alive, i was in pain. bleach and soap burn open cuts, just throwing that out there. and for the record, if i were to get bunga junga, it's single handedly from new york sports club.
at least bosslady isn't in tomorrow. instead of starting the SIX motherfucking new projects, i'll pour over the calls from my cel and take an 'angry at the world' longerthanusual lunch. yes, me thinks me will. grr...
the good news: the beige half-cubes will soon be beige full-cubes. thank fucking god. even more beige. bring it on. OH AND WHAT THE FUCK about the sanctimonious twat who got a new office and proceeded TO PUT UP VENETIAN BLINDS IN THE WINDOW? nobody ELSE has blinds, you twatburger, SO WHY YOU? and since you clearly bought them yourself, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU BUY BEIGE FOR? is his life so dull, empty, and boring that he thinks in beige at home, too? come now! a striking royal blue, or if he wanted to mix shit up, even a deep green, but BEIGE? i want to laugh and give him the finger every time i pass there. of course, as he's got no personality, the slots are parallel to the floor, defeating entirely the point OF the blinds, so he'd see me. i still don't know i won't.
2. t-fucking-mobile. recall i spent a week in europe. a week i didn't use my phone. therefore, my billing cycle is based on three weeks, not four. so tell me, ye olde wise t-fucking-mobile rep, HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I WENT OVER MY MINUTES ENOUGH TO BRING MY BILL TO $150? oh, that's right, smartness, IT'S NOT. i've never come even half-way to the 650 anyfuckingtime minutes, ever, once in the four years i've been with these fucknuts, four-week cycle or not. but in three weeks, i do myself in. 'well, you should go over each line in the statement to make sure that the call you made is yours. and may i take this time to remind you that certain life events can cause a sudden increase in usage: getting out of a relationship, or in a relationship, death of a loved one, new job, demotion, or promotion...' ''stop. no. what? are you kidding me? do i need to give you a co-pay when you're done?...' 'i just want to make sure you understand that list, while i believe you when you say you do, so i'll start again. certain life events...' mother fucker. yes, i understand you can read from a script in YOUR beige cube, but maybe, since you agreed this is out of character for my billing history, you can have someone THERE in BILLING look my bill the fuck over? hmm? hmm?!?!
3. old navy socks. oh my, this nearly did me in. got to central park on my lunch hour, running, running, loving life, loving life, (what's that chafing...) running, madonna, running, amber, running, the weather girls, (ouch.) (eh?) (that's annoying.) (geez, it's not getting better.) (blister? now?) (but i've worn these socks 1000000000 times.) (maybe it's because i've worn these socks 1000000000 times.) get to end of run, lovely seven miles, back in gym, stretching with the southern belle in design who calls me sweetness, 'haaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy swweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenesssssss!!!!!!!!!!!' who i ran into in the park. 'haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllllll!' we banter, we stretch, i'm BLEEDING through my sneaker. this isn't good. take sneaker off in locker room, make sure no one is around to witness the biohazard, yeah, it's not pretty. take 1000000000 sock off, need a fucking transfusion. limp on one foot to the showers, OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH water on newly exposed blisters is not a day in the magic kingdom. but here is what does me in: the WEIRDO janitor felt the need to take THAT MOMENT i was in the shower to take his bleach / detergent mix and sterilize the floor of the shower room. now, hobble as i may, i STILL managed to step in his frothy concoction and man alive, i was in pain. bleach and soap burn open cuts, just throwing that out there. and for the record, if i were to get bunga junga, it's single handedly from new york sports club.
at least bosslady isn't in tomorrow. instead of starting the SIX motherfucking new projects, i'll pour over the calls from my cel and take an 'angry at the world' longerthanusual lunch. yes, me thinks me will. grr...
posted by tom at 9:51 PM
<< Home