and what is in tom's shopping basket today?
like tina to ike, i return far, far too often to ye olde gristedes. far too often. they have a deeeeelightful 'savings' card-- yet one more card to carry in my wallet-- but the catch with this card is that they advertise five lucky products each week. five. just five. and if you are just. so. lucky. to need those five, during that week, you can just go to town and save $.25. whooptie do, don't ask me to stand up. now, they don't like to scan the card if the item isn't on sale. or they don't *think* it's on sale. illustrated by a choice encounter i had a few months back, it can be a battle of wills:
me with diet coke (sorry, pjdownunder...): 'hi. happy tuesday.' [handing over my card.]
delightfully inspired cashier: 'it ain't on sale.'
'but we won't know unless you scan the card.'
'i already said it ain't on sale.'
'you make me carry the fucking card, scan the fucking card.'
[bleep]
and let me tell you, i STILL get looks from her.
but i digress. what's in tom's shopping basket?
1. i iron every morning. it's my thing. dead of winter, dead of summer, i play this game while listening to npr and drinking coffee in-between chatting with my friends from far away places, in different time zones, online. i love mornings, i really do. over the past, oh, ten years, my iron has gotten funky, bad funky, with these hard-as-hell brown deposits that just-do-not-want-to-be-flaked-off developing. iron-ically, today they were nicely dislodging themselves whilst baking into my blue shirt, and we even had a talk about why tom looks like a mendicant at a 'welcome to hell!' bagel 'party!' for two newbies. 'well, that's why i send out my laundry.' 'but it never smells clean. and they touch your undies. i can't get past that.' 'but i'd rather be relaxing. that's why i have a cleaning person, too.' 'you send out your laundry and have a cleaning person because your husband gave you a black amex.' [silence.] and yet i digress again. so tonight, what to my wandering eyes should appear but THIS little slice of pie (product 814, by the way.) don't think for a second i didn't follow the directions to the letter when i got home. yeah baby... i don't think marge knows about said product and she's the QUEEN of household gadgets. i simply must call and wake her up when i finish this.
2. marion barry has a berry named after him? does anyone else find that bizarre? is it infused with crack? i suppose i'll let you know mancat's feedback. just when i got him off the junk, geesh.
3. i love frozen pizza rectangles, you know the kind, the 'good ones' are made by ellio's, but i like the cheapie white rose variety. my good morning pizza is the best thing to happen to mornings since coffee, npr, and number one above. (and won't someone PLEASE buy me a toaster oven? please? it's just not as good via microwave. ok, it's gross.) throw a couple of eggs on top GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!
4. FiEStaBLeNd frozen vegetables. it's like a fiesta in my mouth, and you're all invited, ole! what the hell makes kidney beans and broccoli a goddamn fiesta? gassy, perhaps, but a fiesta is definitely pushing the envelope a tad. marketers, go back to the boardroom on this one.
of course i forgot pumpernickel bread (mmmm) and honey nut cheerios, but i guess that means tomorrow will be yet another steaming plateful of gristede's. lovely.
me with diet coke (sorry, pjdownunder...): 'hi. happy tuesday.' [handing over my card.]
delightfully inspired cashier: 'it ain't on sale.'
'but we won't know unless you scan the card.'
'i already said it ain't on sale.'
'you make me carry the fucking card, scan the fucking card.'
[bleep]
and let me tell you, i STILL get looks from her.
but i digress. what's in tom's shopping basket?
1. i iron every morning. it's my thing. dead of winter, dead of summer, i play this game while listening to npr and drinking coffee in-between chatting with my friends from far away places, in different time zones, online. i love mornings, i really do. over the past, oh, ten years, my iron has gotten funky, bad funky, with these hard-as-hell brown deposits that just-do-not-want-to-be-flaked-off developing. iron-ically, today they were nicely dislodging themselves whilst baking into my blue shirt, and we even had a talk about why tom looks like a mendicant at a 'welcome to hell!' bagel 'party!' for two newbies. 'well, that's why i send out my laundry.' 'but it never smells clean. and they touch your undies. i can't get past that.' 'but i'd rather be relaxing. that's why i have a cleaning person, too.' 'you send out your laundry and have a cleaning person because your husband gave you a black amex.' [silence.] and yet i digress again. so tonight, what to my wandering eyes should appear but THIS little slice of pie (product 814, by the way.) don't think for a second i didn't follow the directions to the letter when i got home. yeah baby... i don't think marge knows about said product and she's the QUEEN of household gadgets. i simply must call and wake her up when i finish this.
2. marion barry has a berry named after him? does anyone else find that bizarre? is it infused with crack? i suppose i'll let you know mancat's feedback. just when i got him off the junk, geesh.
3. i love frozen pizza rectangles, you know the kind, the 'good ones' are made by ellio's, but i like the cheapie white rose variety. my good morning pizza is the best thing to happen to mornings since coffee, npr, and number one above. (and won't someone PLEASE buy me a toaster oven? please? it's just not as good via microwave. ok, it's gross.) throw a couple of eggs on top GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!
4. FiEStaBLeNd frozen vegetables. it's like a fiesta in my mouth, and you're all invited, ole! what the hell makes kidney beans and broccoli a goddamn fiesta? gassy, perhaps, but a fiesta is definitely pushing the envelope a tad. marketers, go back to the boardroom on this one.
of course i forgot pumpernickel bread (mmmm) and honey nut cheerios, but i guess that means tomorrow will be yet another steaming plateful of gristede's. lovely.
posted by tom at 9:06 PM
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