gristede's needs to just go away already
already pissed i had to take the jammies off and switch into big boy clothing to get lunch fixins for the week, i pass what promises to be YET ANOTHER banana republic in my neighborhood, can't have too many, i guess, and head to the nasty food den that is gristede's. they've started the remodeling, and the place is more of a disaster than usual. get my goods, head to the mentally handicapped lady who works the express line (express nazi, truth be told) and proceed to check out. i give her my useless diamond savings card, and proceed to count about eighteen singles out. i have NO idea how or why i've got so many, but i do. after i catch to, i look up and see she's got the woman's soup behind me, ready to bleep it across. we both stop her.
'oh, sorry, love. that's not mine.'
'you no tell me that. this tuna no yours too?'
'oh shit, no, that's not mine. sorry, love.'
'no need to use such bad words.'
'what bad word did you use?'
'i dropped the s-bomb.' this nasty little troll, just back from her workout at nysc, looked at me like i called HER one.
'you said that?!'
i ignore her. 'i'm terribly sorry, you are right. that was wrong of me. i just feel bad i made more work for you. i should have been paying attention.'
lunatic chimes in with, 'yes, i should have been paying attention, too.'
(did we just have a moment?)
'if you want her tuna, you can go, if no, i have to get key, you both wait.'
'oh, thanks, love, but i don't want her'
'you can't have my tuna!'
'what? i don't want your tuna!'
'great. now we all wait. KEY! I NEED KEY! TUNA VOID! TUNA VOID!'
she gets the key, does the tuna void, hands me my receipt after i pay, off i go, about to have a seizure.
no.
express nazi starts the lunatic's transaction behind me, bleeps her useless diamond value card, and hands it to me. i hand it to her, but just as i make the arm motion, she grabs it from me and says, 'that's MINE.'
'yes, i know it is.'
'you've made quite enough trouble here for one night, you don't need to take my card, too.'
'enjoy your tuna.'
what just happened?
---
finally got the mane chopped. i just couldn't take it anymore. see, my hair doesn't grow straight out, it fros. not a little, a lot. couple that with hat hair in a new york winter, and i looked like a light-bulb by the time i got to work. paid the nice man $12.00 to make the fuzz go away, after promising me, 'not too much off, chief. the ladies will flock to you when you leave here' he scalps me. it's ok, i got cruised by a nice elderly queen on the train. my haircut paid for itself, thankyouverymuch.
'oh, sorry, love. that's not mine.'
'you no tell me that. this tuna no yours too?'
'oh shit, no, that's not mine. sorry, love.'
'no need to use such bad words.'
'what bad word did you use?'
'i dropped the s-bomb.' this nasty little troll, just back from her workout at nysc, looked at me like i called HER one.
'you said that?!'
i ignore her. 'i'm terribly sorry, you are right. that was wrong of me. i just feel bad i made more work for you. i should have been paying attention.'
lunatic chimes in with, 'yes, i should have been paying attention, too.'
(did we just have a moment?)
'if you want her tuna, you can go, if no, i have to get key, you both wait.'
'oh, thanks, love, but i don't want her'
'you can't have my tuna!'
'what? i don't want your tuna!'
'great. now we all wait. KEY! I NEED KEY! TUNA VOID! TUNA VOID!'
she gets the key, does the tuna void, hands me my receipt after i pay, off i go, about to have a seizure.
no.
express nazi starts the lunatic's transaction behind me, bleeps her useless diamond value card, and hands it to me. i hand it to her, but just as i make the arm motion, she grabs it from me and says, 'that's MINE.'
'yes, i know it is.'
'you've made quite enough trouble here for one night, you don't need to take my card, too.'
'enjoy your tuna.'
what just happened?
---
finally got the mane chopped. i just couldn't take it anymore. see, my hair doesn't grow straight out, it fros. not a little, a lot. couple that with hat hair in a new york winter, and i looked like a light-bulb by the time i got to work. paid the nice man $12.00 to make the fuzz go away, after promising me, 'not too much off, chief. the ladies will flock to you when you leave here' he scalps me. it's ok, i got cruised by a nice elderly queen on the train. my haircut paid for itself, thankyouverymuch.
posted by tom at 9:02 PM
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