playing doctor

oh dsl, you fickle bitch... one minute i have you, the next i'm wirelessly tapping into the kindness of strangers... you're so wacky...

so tuesday afternoon was the pre-op physical. 'well, jon, [christ, here we go] my assistant is away on grand jury duty, so forgive me if i fumble through this form. i don't usually do these, you know.' 'you look like the guy who played j. peterman on seinfeld. has anyone ever told you that?' 'has anyone ever told you that you have a great sense of humor? so do i. did you hear the one about the guy who walked into the psychologist's office - they cannot prescribe drugs, jon, by the way, but i sure can *wink* - with a duck on his head...'

and i get through the ekg fine enough, though the technician was a bit perplexed as to why i was being ekg'd. 'they will use a local. are you being put out?' 'oh good lord yes. i don't want to see him, feel him, smell the room, or hear the people. in fact, can you dope me up now?' 'i'll ask the doctor... [one eyebrow up.]'

the doc comes back in, more crappy dad-like jokes are being spewn between questions like, 'do you have any heart disease in your family?' 'yes. my father. a massive heart attack did him in.' 'bummer. speaking of hearts, did you hear the one about the couple whose first date was on valentine's day?'

'do you smoke?' 'well, one doesn't actually smoke crack, just sucks it in and lets it seep up one's nasal passage. so, no, technically i don't smoke.' 'so i'll put in 'prior history of drug abuse?' 'good god no, i'm clearly kidding.' 'jon, medical histories are nothing to joke about.'

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