bert harrington approves!

last week, mancat invites me to a party at a showroom that sells super duper high-end bath and kitchen fixtures. we get to the front door and the over-tanned receptionist/bouncer lady asks us our firms. mancat says his, 'oh yes, welcome mr. [mancat.]' and when it was my turn, i morphed into bert harrington. 'bert harrington! bert harrington designs. great! to! meet! you!' 'oh mr. harrington, well that's funny, i am sure i saw your name here. oh well, you have a great time, gents. be sure to get your bags on the way out, it has our newest catalogue.' [writing down my name.] 'will do, little lady. bert harrington is happy to be here!' 'do you gents have a card? there will be a raffle.' mancat hands over his, i only find a calling card which, clearly, doesn't say bert harrington. 'well, little lady, you can't have my card, but you can sure have a date with me: only a calling card. bert harrington must have run out.' 'oh that will work!' [shit.] 'no no, there is just not enough bert harrington to go around.'

'what the hell is this? bert who?'
'come now, sweetie, bert harrington hates to be questioned.'
'stop. please.'
'burt harrington is a leader in the industry and will NOT be stopped.'
'behave.'
'when is bert harrington anything less than a perfect gentleman!?'

we find his coworkers and all cluster around the makeshift kitchen where the food was being warmed. the niblet trays came out and it was flesh after flesh after flesh.
'salmon tartar with garlic and rosemary?'
'bert harrington wants to know when he can expect some of this fine food that had neither a face nor a mother?'
'oh mr. harrington, the vegetarian trays haven't gone out yet.'
'alright then, thanks, mi amiga!'
'thank you, mr. harrington.'

oh it went.
'mr. harrington: mushroom somethingorother with on melba toast?'
'amiga, you're too good to me. bert harrington approves!'

'mr. harrington, i just got little pizza wedges with [frou frou ingredients. bla bla bla.]'
'bert harrington approves!'

'black cherry brownie tart?'
'oh no, bert harrington has to watch his waist! bert harrington does NOT approve.'

it was a food orgy, but i wasn't feeling dessert just yet. mancat's coworkers were a trip, this eclectic mix of personalities and pure energy and fun. yes, there was wine a-plenty, 'red, white, or champagne.' 'red? bert harrington loves red!' 'then bert harrington gets red!' and all were having a good time. the party staff, so hopelessly bored, was having as much fun with me as i.

mancat, his uber-adorable canadian dutch coworker, and i were talking about something or other in front of the nut bowl when this little man, say 5'4", in a suit comes over and i make a comment about how cute the canadian is to littleman. littleman, with his shaved head and full chest tattoo (his shirt was open), and 666 tattooed on his skull, greets the canadian with a kiss on the cheek and concurs. later on in the evening, littleman bit bert harrington on the shoulder. 'rarr, you're a dirty boy, aren't you!' 'oh you... ahem... great party, buddy...' 'yeah, i organized this party., it took days.' i was rather horrified. bert harrington doesn't sleep with the staff. duh.

and i had my fun, chatting people up and down until it was time for me and the mancat to leave and hit another event. three of the women there were clustered around the coat check and one was wearing a tanzanite necklace. bert harrington morphed into the fag she is... 'oohie! a TANzanite! darling, that necklace is fabu! bert harrington approves!' 'oh yes, my ex-husband [blablablablablabla]' ' you know that stone is mined out of the ground in this horrid shade of brown and needs to be treated to get to be that color! it's' 'wow, for an interior designer, you sure know a lot about gemstones.' 'bert harrington read a wonderful article in national geographic. hey, i love, love that scarf, princess.' the whole staff there, from the tanned bouncer to the coat check lady had a beige (no one looks good in beige...) scarf with this bizarre faucet motif. some wore it as a belt, some wore it on the shoulders, it was fun. 'oh this, yes, it's our scarf. did you see the dress betsy johnson made with this fabric?' 'bert harrington did, and wow is she a sassy one! i've got a girl back at the office who would love this. and on a dare, i'm supposed to ask you for one, but it looks too good on you!' 'oh, we've got maybe one or two extra... let me see if i can track one down.' 'she's a good girl, a little green, but she'd love this.' 'oh! here you go, mr. harrington!' 'oh, dollface, you've made a lady very happy! bert harrington approves!'

mancat played along with my antics, and it was fun. hell, i got a scarf out of it! for the 'girl' back at the office. viva industry parties!