i can see clearly now the
lightbulbs have been changed. trekked all the fuck over the west village to look for clear lightbulbs, 60 watts. gristede's, you manwhore? of COURSE not. cvs? neither the one on sixth avenue nor the one on christopher. ace hardware? closed. duane fucking reade can bite me. indie dry goods shop? CHA-CHING. ladies and gentlemen, i replaced four lightbulbs. i've been doing the 'eh, it's sooooOOOOoooooOOOoooOOO high and i don't have a high-enough ladder,' (not like shithead my 'super' returned THAT phone call...,) but we're back in business. of course i need 60 watts and bought 75 and text the editor-in-chief 'SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT am i going to burn the flophouse down?' 'eh. probably not.'
that's enough for me.
-------
told a cop in the columbus day parade to bite me. 'hey. HEY. YOU CAN'T RUN ACROSS FIFTH.' 'traffic is moving along 59th.' 'you're not traffic! go up to 66th.' 'bite me.' and i ran across. good for me. catch me if you can, pig. but karma, you nasty shrew, caught up with me in the park. running in my 'i HATE these shorts they're so goddamned short'-shorts, with my shirt off, and dontchaknow, i recognize that backofhead. it's her: some cantankerous cuntyface from work, venerated to the 'i touch myself every morning when i get ready for work and i see my business card' level of egregious vanity. so i do what every other 'i don't like you and you don't like me and you're slow so fuck off' coworker would do: i passed, looked over, waved, and sped up like satan himself were behind me. ha ha HA. yes, last laugh on her, though: might have trimmed the italian-ancestry fuzz off my back, leading to a breakout (so attractive, i know...) and maybe, just MAYBE she'd say something like, 'how DOES tom have time to do the loop and get changed within an hour?' (yeah. i don't.) but still, it was good to be seen, but bad to be seen at the same time. know what i mean?
(in other words, my chest is bigger than hers.)
-------
geez, i got my light back. i MAY start touching MYself soon. all my lights work. the last time the other kitchen light worked, i was packing for prague. 'shit, oh well, i'll deal with that when i get back.' but. never did. until today.
-------
so the minigloodweller was birthed! welcome to the world, minigloodweller, it's great to have you! grover was waiting for you, and to properly get a good history lesson on grover and who he is and the miraculous accomplishments of what he's done, i think your mother and father should give you the abridged version of this.
dear god, grover and i really ARE the same person.
and we are cute, too.
that's enough for me.
-------
told a cop in the columbus day parade to bite me. 'hey. HEY. YOU CAN'T RUN ACROSS FIFTH.' 'traffic is moving along 59th.' 'you're not traffic! go up to 66th.' 'bite me.' and i ran across. good for me. catch me if you can, pig. but karma, you nasty shrew, caught up with me in the park. running in my 'i HATE these shorts they're so goddamned short'-shorts, with my shirt off, and dontchaknow, i recognize that backofhead. it's her: some cantankerous cuntyface from work, venerated to the 'i touch myself every morning when i get ready for work and i see my business card' level of egregious vanity. so i do what every other 'i don't like you and you don't like me and you're slow so fuck off' coworker would do: i passed, looked over, waved, and sped up like satan himself were behind me. ha ha HA. yes, last laugh on her, though: might have trimmed the italian-ancestry fuzz off my back, leading to a breakout (so attractive, i know...) and maybe, just MAYBE she'd say something like, 'how DOES tom have time to do the loop and get changed within an hour?' (yeah. i don't.) but still, it was good to be seen, but bad to be seen at the same time. know what i mean?
(in other words, my chest is bigger than hers.)
-------
geez, i got my light back. i MAY start touching MYself soon. all my lights work. the last time the other kitchen light worked, i was packing for prague. 'shit, oh well, i'll deal with that when i get back.' but. never did. until today.
-------
so the minigloodweller was birthed! welcome to the world, minigloodweller, it's great to have you! grover was waiting for you, and to properly get a good history lesson on grover and who he is and the miraculous accomplishments of what he's done, i think your mother and father should give you the abridged version of this.
dear god, grover and i really ARE the same person.
and we are cute, too.
posted by tom at 9:53 PM
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