i've had QUITE ENOUGH

maybe it's the heat, i'm not usually so ornery, but two things:

1. i'm glad the gaggle of mid-western tourists wants to pour money into the city, and i applaud their recklessness. but. BUT. you should NOT be getting a picture on the OTHER SIDE OF FIFTH AVENUE with all of your friends strategically placed under the nice abercrombie two-story tall crotch ad during rush hour. yes, it's true that one MAY find a like-minded picture of me doing just that-- maybe drunk, maybe not-- but surely not during rush hour. and yes, muffie, i DID purposely walk in front of your camera. (oh be quiet, i'm not that mean: it was digital and when she had some crack to make in her little native tongue, something like, 'oh yamber, we havta e-rase e-nother,' i knew that they read the manual of their newly-purchased-from-times-square camera.) i looked back with the authority of a parent who is scolding his child: 'don't talk back to me, yamber, if you want to be in my city, it has to be under my rules.'

2. to the doorman of the frou-frou store on that well known shopping street who's been eye-fucking me for about a year: please stop. you're gross. i've tried looking away, looking at you point-blank with my mean-guy stare, and even grabbed a stranger's hand when i knew you were looking (not recommended.) if you continue this, i'm going to put a personal ad up with a picture i will take of you on my cel. i'm just that fucked up, and i'm not kidding.