blue balls and brown bagged lunches

cubefarm director calls me at noon to ask if i'll be around for the next twenty or so minutes. sure i will...

call from bigbossman: 'do you have a moment for me and [cubefarm director]?'
um. no. on craigslist, give me five minutes?
'sure thing...'
...
'why don't you close the door.'
'wow. two directors and a closed door. this is either really good or really bad.'
'no, no, really good! see, we've been evaluating salaries in the department and in the industry and among your coworkers in the company and would like to bring them up to a level that's more consistent. [consonant? lol.] in working with human resources, we're delighted to give you this.'
[slips me a row print out of an excel document. the magic number they're delighted to give me? 11 dollars more a week. i have a terrible poker face and must have looked mortified.]
'wow. that's right generous of you guys. thank you, both.'
cubefarm director: 'oh and you're doing a wonderful job. [to bigbossman:] he's taken over a product type and several high profile orders. several meaty projects, a lot on his plate.'
[meaty projects and a lot on my plate: here starts the corporate newspeak. i'll spare you.]
'well thank you, both, again. i must go back to a conference call i have at 1230.'
'that's what we like to hear. keep it up, and congratulations.'

so i conference in mancat and my best friend from home.
'eleven fucking dollars!'
[in tandem:]
'eleven fucking dollars?'
'well, i suppose that will pay for the dsl upgrade at home?'
'mmm. not quite, but good point.'