money is no object...

there are certain things, my dears, upon which one cannot afford to skimp, and certain things for which one should never pay full price. and i guess to be fair, certain things that are a combo of both... here goes:

spaghettio's and canned ravioli. yeah, campbell's, i know EXACTLY when franco-american sold out to you. lucky for your enterprising ass you didn't change the recipe, but kindly let your followers know that you'll be increasing the price 25% next time you take over an old favorite. take frito lay brands and it's war. i'm not kidding. i'm not sure how they sell to the discount people, but the store brand is never quite right. spend the money here, kids.

tilex. there is something about this stuff. turns my bathroom from 'how the hell did it get this way, anyway' to 'well hello there, stud. come here often?' in like 10 minutes. the store brand white rose crap cannot hold a candle to you, for it's as effective as using a tissue twice.

orville redenbocker micro popcorn. jiffy time is just nasty. the store crap is 10000 grams of mono-poly-super-saturated fat. you, orville, send me to a buttery tasting, hot and delicious bliss that explodes in my mouth every time...

i need a cigarette.

and in the other extreme...

apple sauce. really, it's just what the name implies. not a religious experience, just jarred dead apples. mott's is a big-ass sham. suckers.

toilet paper. i don't need quilting, perfumes, the exact pantone color of my bathroom, or fifteen plies of cotton on my ass. let's call it what it is.

frozen pizza. i have news for you... gristede's runs supermarkets, not food processing plants... so all that frozen pizza next to ellio's... guess who made it... cellophane instead of shrink wrap... yeah... same nutritional content... hello...

combo of the two... a tribute to joplin...

hmm... let me get back to you on this...