'oh look at those eyeslashes! LEAH COME OVER HERE AND LOOK AT HIS EYELASHES!'

AUGH can't a faggot go to cvs and get pringles (ON SALE FOR A BUCK), before going to replenish the wine supply, and NOT get accosted by texan tourists? i mean, the cvs on christopher, the gayest street in the gayest place on the planet (aside from my bedroom WHOA DID I WRITE THAT OR THINK THAT), and leah, diane, and karl accost me in the toothpaste aisle. (crest whitening, rep.ro.sent.) the toothpaste aisle is also where the heating pads are, so when hurricane diane came blowing down the aisle, leaving leah in the next one over, she starts hitting on me stat. 'oh all this walkin' around and the cold and my shins are killing me should i get the electric pad and risk burning the place down or the strips you put on and WHOA look at those eyelashes.' 'oh you. you should get the strips, you can wear them around the city if your legs are still bothering you. but then the bush administration has banned electric blankets, so you might want to get them now before they're gone forever.' 'oh you're a funny one. and your eyes are so pretty. LEAH COME LOOK AT HIS PRETTY EYES.' [she's in my home. she'll blush before me. watch.] 'leah where the hell are you?! come over and look at my pretty eyes.'

and. she. does.

so does karl.

diane and leah are visiting karl who lives in harlem, i've come to find out. diane apparently has a.d.d. and when leah comes over, goes into the electric vs. those icy hot-like strips. then back to my eyes, but as i've gotten my toothpaste and was on to cheese vs. salt and vinegar vs. fiery hot, dontchaknow who was right behind me. 'do you live around here? we're going to get another drink, do you want to come with us, blue eyes?' karl, obviously mortified, wasn't even making eye contact. 'oh ladies, i would, but i've got a gentleman caller coming over in just a few minutes. but have fun and enjoy the village!' 'oh that's a hook-em horns hat! you're a fan? we're from texas!' 'no, it's a cute hat and it was on sale at target, so it's mine now!' 'oh leah he's a sassy one! you're a sassy one, blue eyes. did you see those lashes, leah?' i was done selecting and we walk up to the register where our tourist friends don't have the EXTRAVALUE! savings card. i am the night in shining armor... saved leah and diane on today's purchases. aah, good deed done for the day. but then they didn't dispute anything in the neighborhood like directions or where a good place for mexican was, so there really wasn't a need to be a dick local... it just wasn't necessary today... but make no mistake: i'm still a dick local.